I recently was reblogged by another blogger, which not only made my day, but brought several questions into mind of how often our struggles are hidden by either ourselves or by society. They may be intentionally hidden by ourselves as a way in which to protect ourselves or by society as a way to protect the systems which are in place to be visualized as flawed. Many of the times, our indirectness of our words and actions causes others to perceive the reality of our lives much different from ourselves. And that brings me to my next blog post, in which I discuss the reality of what others may see by looking at you as opposed to how you feel. Within this post, I hope to use my past and present experiences with anorexia as a way in which to give insight into the feelings that I often struggle with, as opposed to what may be portrayed only by my posts or only by the things that were written about myself.
Let me start out with the blog post and go from there..
The other day I received a reblog from a very well-written blogger stating the following,
“Michelle just joined us on WordPress in July and she caught my eye with this vulnerable post about leaving her past struggles for others to see even though she’s overcome them.”
And while it did speak the truth in that I have been leaving my past for others to see, looking back on it, I can’t help but find myself cringe at it. I cringe not at the wording, as it does speak the truth, but at the way in which others may be perceiving it. Well, maybe it’s just me over thinking or me being the one who expects to have no sort of struggle, but I only felt it necessary to clarify as I definitely have many struggles at which to overcome everyday.
So to clarify, I still struggle very much mentally from the food and from exercise many of the times. As perfect as it may seem from that post, I continuously have a struggle or even multiple struggles related not only to anorexia, but other issues as well. Much like any of you, I continuously need to work on them, and although IIFYM and strength training has helped much more than I ever felt possible, it most definitely was not simple nor something that I just overcame in one day.
And the fact is, that I am not even sure if I will ever not have ANY struggle, but what I do know is that I know how to handle it better. You see, there are still days of mine in which I just want to give up, much like any of you out there. On these days in which I struggle more greatly, I feel that I am NEVER going to achieve the lifestyle and balance which many appear to hold. That I will NEVER be able to achieve not only the balance, but the mentality in which others have towards food and exercise. And it bothers me to some respect in that they exhibit no signs of struggling with properly feeding themselves and exercising, while although consistent, I continuously struggle to meet my macros and/or incorporating new foods. The reality of it is that…
I still have to push myself towards PLANNING different foods, which I had previously restricted.
I still have to push myself to actually TRY the new foods.
I still struggle with utilizing my logic to rationalize the foods in which I (or which society) had taught me were wrong.
But the fact is that, like many of you may have perceived, these individuals whom I tend to admire oftentimes do struggle with many of the same things which I do. They struggle with finding the balance, although they don’t post of so. They struggle with their careers, whether its finding a career, and/or staying in a career. And whether we want to believe it or not, all individuals in reality seem much more put together than they themselves often feel. Just looking at magazines and advertisements you can see this. While many of those in photographs seem happy and healthy, many of them are much less so, oftentimes struggling not only with anorexia, but drug usage as well. So my point is this, while others may seem perfect on the exterior, they are often much less so on the interior.
Why Should You Care?
If you are reading this and have made it this far, I am guessing that you have struggles as well to face. You probably do the same as I do and get discouraged by others who seem to have less of a battle that you may have. But the fact of the matter is that each and everyone has a struggle, and while others may be hidden more perfectly than others, our lives can never be perfect. You may want to utilize others as an opportunity to give up and to skip the struggle, but I am telling you right now, not to. Live your life as it is, struggles and all. And although it may be hard, try to get through them one by one. Don’t allow yourselves to get caught up in how hard they may be, but rather focus on the ways in which you can better utilize them to help others. Each and every one of us has the potential to change the world and to help others whom need help, so why don’t we start now?
With Love Always,