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Going Back On The Life You’ve Lived…Don’t


image.jpegLately I’ve been thinking of the life I’ve lived and have been questioning myself of whether or not I would change it.  Oftentimes I get upset at the fact that I had wasted so many years of my life away struggling with anorexia, and that I did so while also dealing with both of my brothers’ diabetes and food allergies, and verbal (and slightly physical) abuse.  And other times, I get upset at the fact that I can no longer feel the way that I had once felt with food.  When all said and done, there are some days I want to relive my past and other days I want to change it, but the fact of the matter is that we are only human.  We get one life to life, and whether or not it works out as planned, each one of our experiences shapes us into the person who we are today.  So in spite of looking back on the past with awe (of how your life was) and/or regret (of decisions made), I want you to live your life now and to utilize your experiences in order to help those who still can.

I think after the fourth or so post you all get the past I’ve had, but to sum it all up… Dysfunctional family->leading to affair->leading to divorce-> leading to verbal abuse->leading to where I am now.  In between all of the drama I was also given several battles to deal with such as my matters related to my brother’s type I diabetes (that almost led to death too many times) and my other brother’s food allergies (which also contributed to a scary medical situation at home as well).  Besides this all, I’ve also had to struggle with anorexia…something which still affects me to this day, whether I want it to or not.

Like many others out there, there are many things that I struggled with that I regret, especially in the mind-frame that I have now.  I look back on college with my mentality these days opposed to then knowing that if I would have went back now that I would have been in a better place that would have allowed me to deal better in social situations surrounded by food.  I look back at all the opportunities that I had missed due to medical leaves, and of the opportunities lost because of my limited variety of food.   I question myself of why I had decided to focus entirely on school along with what the treatment centers for anorexia had taught me rather than trying something different such as IIFYM and strength training.  But the fact of the matter is that I didn’t.  I made choices to focus my college experience on weekly weigh-ins, cardio, school, and exercise rather than focusing on the things which matter because I didn’t know how nor did I ever hear of anything else.

And that’s my point…

How are we supposed to know how to deal if nobody shows us how that has been through it themselves?  And why can’t you be that person to help someone else?

So I guess my point is this, we can each be that person…that guiding light for others to see the path.  The light that helps others see the way when they don’t know where to turn in life.  Every single experience that you have from living is something that is worth more than any book combined, as you have seen first hand of how to best handle life and ways to avoid the struggles which you may have faced.  So why even look back on our life regret?  Now is our opportunity to find what matters. To utilize both experiences and thoughts to not only relate to others, but to help them as well.  The past shows that we have moved on and that we have become stronger as a result.  We no longer have to worry about being weak as if we have been through hell already, and we are sure as hell not going back there.

So my point is this, everyone has a different path in life.  While some paths may be turbulent earlier on, others may be later, and may even consist of different things.  Although it’s easy to get stuck in the could haves and should haves and be disappointed in oneself, we need to continue to look ahead and at the things that we no longer need to struggle with.  We need to realize that we are never alone, and also need to realize that every single one of us has the ability to make the world a better place through using one’s experiences.  Your past struggle is not going to define you unless you allow yourself it to.  The future is what you make of it for yourself, and also what you make of it for others by sharing your experiences.

As a side note (Rant) because of the sugar study of course…

And with that being said, I just want to use my experience in the hopes that it helps our future generations when it comes to the battle with food.  If you are a parent or anyone who speaks to children often, please try to watch what you say around food and weight.  Please stay PROPERLY informed about food, and the benefits that it is able to do in order to make the body function rather than the misinformation that appears in many magazines and advertisements.  Don’t allow your children to become misguided when it comes to their nutrition, as I was during the low-fat diet phase.


The truth is that anorexia is becoming more of an issue as time goes on, and it is definitely something which I am passionate about preventing.  And the only way I believe is to stop eliminating xx or xyz from one’s diet, practice moderation, and to just show future generations of what health is rather than what it is not.  Give them the relationship with food and exercise that I was never able to achieve, one that allows balance.  Because the truth of the matter is this, it’s harder to re-learn not to be scared of food using IIFYM and strength training than it is to just be human.  To eat when hungry, and to stop when full, as all toddlers do.

With Love Always,




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